i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
