my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
