Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
