I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
