I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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