Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
