so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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