How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
