Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
