This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
