I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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