Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
