Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
