i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
