Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
