Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
