haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
