so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize