Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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