rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Girls should come with a carfax report
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
