i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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