Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
