Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am one with the molecules
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
