Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
