Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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