Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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