and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
