you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
