yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The struggles of a small town man whore
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
