shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I checked into jail on foursquare
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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