You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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