You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
