My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
