For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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