you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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