I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My balls are so social today.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drunk is not a location!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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