I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
