You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
