you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
