We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize