thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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