i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
high people should be assigned attendants
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
