We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
