stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
