you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
