We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
