I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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