It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
