Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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