Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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