I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
