It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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