this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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