We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
