I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
