What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
