I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't deserve a penis
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
