I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This is my gift to your gina
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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