i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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