What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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