so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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