sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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