____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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