just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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