I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
