Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
