Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize